It hits hard, when someone we love dies. Even friends mean a  lot to us, and their passing is often hard to take for awhile.  Time may be a healer, but for many of us, time is running out very fast.  Another generation is passing away, almost unnoticed in the busyness of life.

It is a shock when you realize your own death is mighty near. How then do we say goodbye, when we want to live?

I think each person faces death in the way they lived. Protecting family from bad news by keeping silent is one way, but not necessarily the best way.  Is there a best way?  Does it really matter, except to long for loved ones close who care,  to provide little touches that say, I love you. We all need that. Sadly many die alone.  As a nurse, I have sat with 27 people who died in my presence. All simply fell asleep (coma), and  knew nothing.

Certainly physical care now becomes a priority, and there is a lot of humility in that process. It is so hard to lose one’s independence in many things. But therein lies the opportunity to live what we believe.

People are unique to themselves.  For some people death is a total end, nothing more. Others admit they simply do not know. For myself and others, our love of a personal God provides soothing comfort– a knowing that words find hard to express. Death is but a step into a new dimension, an instant translation from one life to another. And ahead is joy, seeing folk we loved who have gone before us and most of all– the Master, Lord of Lords and King of Kings, Jesus, whom I adore.

Keeping busy really helps to pass the time–that slow,  lingering waiting. A time to make or update one’s will, buy the cemetery plot,  designing the tombstone, maybe even planning the funeral and purchase of casket or cremation service. Others give little thought to such details, leaving that to those left behind. I  am a planner and love details, so those things have been arranged long before now.

I have too much time to think,  when the mind can so easily  slip into the negatives, all the failures.  Who am I?  What makes me unique?  Why should anyone care at all?   It is the battlefield of the mind, the greatest challenge of all. What is the flipside?  There is always someone struggling with greater problems than we have. All of us are just walking through the chapters of our life. Yes, we do fall, crash sometimes. That does not define us. The determination to get up again speaks to our inner thoughts and desire to live. Too many simply give up, especially  young people with a whole life a head of them.  Others may be in terrible pain and want relief  Your journey may be different than mine, but focus on someone else to try to help and you may discover you saved your own life.

It is not so much who we are, as what we are!   Saying goodbye brings huge stress upon the mind and body.   Have I finished my destiny? Have I fulfilled the most important things I wanted to do?  How do I distribute the funds, and is there enough to meet every need my Executor will face.  What about an inheritance for my grandchildren? Anxiety and worry, twins that suck too much attention away from what really matters. Making the best of the time remaining and focusing on what I can do. And being thankful most of all.

Saying goodbye also gives us time to grieve our own loss. If there are five stages of grieving, I know I felt  anger at myself at first.  I had prepared to die every day for two years, then finally  overcame that and began living again. Them wham!.  But anger did not last that long. Just wasted energy,  and  there is mighty little of that as one approaches the end. I  bargained a bit in my prayers, wondering if I believed hard enough would I be healed? Healed at my age? I have been healed several times in my history, real miracles of a moment. But perhaps it is time to refocus and let go of it all. I will be alright.

Every person dies. It comes to us all. But surely not me? Not yet. Are there people I need to forgive, thinking I had already done that and was fine…..but new realizations flooded my brain. Forgiving my doctor was a big surprise, and a few others. But clearing the past is very, very healing. I know that a lot of life is perception.

And so I have to find ways to comfort myself, and it really does help. Taking one day at at time.  Turning on Gospel music can really boost my mood. A daily TV program that teaches me to trust God and do good keeps me focused positively. As long as I am breathing I have hope of something better.  Better?

Yes. Slowly a transition is taking place. I have stopped feeling sorry for myself.  I am no longer as afraid as I was for awhile, when I shook and cried many tears.  There is relief in doing that, and no shame. Just reality of the moment. I think we all fear death when you first stare it in the face. But peace does come.

Not dead yet. Every  new day is a brand new opportunity to find ways to challenge myself,  to keep focused, and choose to enjoy life again.

A lot of people are sick with a virus just now, including myself, so current plans to do anything are one hold. The countdown is daily, but in the meantime, here is a song that expresses my joy.

Because He Lives

(start at beginning of video)